Thoughts for Tuesday, v.5: "Boyfriend Stealing" and Name Calling

I apologize that this is being posted rather late! I've been incredibly busy trying to find an internship for school, doing other schoolwork, and enjoying the glorious weather we had.

I've been thrilled to have been part of the ongoing conversation about feminism and miscellaneous issues within a few blogs. Annebeth from The Styling Dutchman brought up something I'm still thinking about: it's very common for women to be mean toward one another. From making a general statement such as "girls are bitches," or being down right vicious and spreading rumors about a so-called friend, I've witnessed it. I've been a victim. Haven't we all?

Today, while flipping through Cosmopolitan , I read an article entitled "I Exposed a Boyfriend Stealer". Perhaps this sounds good, ridding evil amongst female peers, but the photo was captioned "sigh... another skank bites the dust". Apparently, the woman was wrong for being a slut and compulsively stealing boyfriends.

Yeah, I know many of us gals detest or simply shun the opinions of the misogynist magazine, but this happens outside the men-centric pages as well. I'm very reluctant to take the phrase "boyfriend stealing" seriously. As much as women are objectified and sometimes treated poorly in relationships, stealing implies ownership. And women don't own men, just as men don't own women.

I'm firm to believe the males are at wrong in these scenarios - seduction only goes so far. There's a crucial part of this equation that many seem to miss: his consent. I highly doubt that in these situations, the men are being forced against their will. He enabled it. He actively participated, making him just as guilty, if not more.

So why blame the other woman? Yes, a friend should respect the boundaries of a relationship her friend is in. Yes, she might have started it. However, that doesn't make her a slut. I know this happens between guys too. I've witnessed several physical fights over a lady. But you don't hear one calling the other - the alleged culprit - a slut, whore, skank, bitch, etc.

We do that. It's unfortunate. Sometimes women take pride in being a so-called bitch. There's a bit of irony in that, but it's acknowledging and arguably not dispelling this self-hating thing us women have going on. Of course, we're less likely to pride ourselves in being "sluts". But calling a friend a slut or whore as a term of endearment - something I've been guilty of - has the same effect. We're just pushing that it's okay to call each other sluts and whores.

Words are just words, but these are loaded with highly negative connotations. Seems we (collectively) have a way to go in terms of dealing with fellow women on a civil basis. How sad.

xox Catherine