It's a beautiful May day, and there's a variety of things that I could, and indeed should, be doing. But while it's fresh in my mind - I read Rebecca's post on EverybodyIsUgly which brought to my attention a post at Dramatis Personae.
Money. It's probably one of my least favorite topics to discuss - partially because it's boring, partly because it's a little personal. Finances, credit cards, etc. - not amusing.
Clearly, I don't have a disposable income. I wear the same pieces over and over. For instance, right now I'm wearing: an H&M tshirt ($6) from nearly three years ago, a pair of cutoff shorts from four years ago, my Doc Martens that have been in heavy rotation all winter, a cuff that I got for free from Ideeli, and a necklace from a thrift store.
Disposable is obviously not a word that aptly describes my wardrobe, either. It's corny and cheesy, but I always develop a sort of relationship with my clothes. I won't cry if someone spills water on my shoes, and I think that some small holes in a cardigan are a little endearing. I'm required to wear clothes, and I'm incredibly fortunate to have even one pair of shoes that get me from A to B.
Perhaps I'm still as young and naive in this topic as I am everything, but I never want credit cards. Accumulating debt over "stuff" just isn't worth it. Yes, I do marvel at how some bloggers seem to have an endless wardrobe, but it's just not realistic for me. I don't feel bad for myself that I can't afford everything. I don't even feel bad that there's been numerous occasions on which I've had to purchase my own bread and toothpaste.
I could take this in a different direction and rant about how some people seem to think that expensive is synonymous with the best. There's girls at my school that look like they stepped out of a Free People catalog (shiny headband included) just strike me as insecure. Perhaps I share some of those insecurities - but I like to think, that in the end, I dress myself for me while eschewing pressure.
With all of this being said, I am set out to purchase myself a pair of shoes:
upon the completion of my AP Spanish and Statistics exams among other various tasks. It really is difficult for me to avoid feeling guilty and shameful - but I'm trying not to. It's a reward - from me, for me. And it's an incentive to keep me going through the long day that awaits me. So as my classmates come and go for the only test they have, I'll be there for eight hours. Of course I can do it... it's only a matter of how I choose to approach it.